Front: Love who you wanna love.
Inside: I really don’t give a shit.

Front: You’re the best.
Inside: No matter what’s in those undies.

Front: I love you so much.
Inside: You’re so fucking hot.

Front: I love your body, your mind, and your soul.
Inside: But mostly, your penis.

Front: You’re as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.
Inside: I know. I’ve been inside you.

Front: Love is in the air.
Inside: No wait. That’s just my fart.

Front: Sending you hugs and kisses.
Inside: And lots of genital touching.

Front: I have feelings for you.
Inside: Feelings in my pants.

Front: Love is powerful.
Inside: So are vibrators.

Front: My heart skips a beat every time I see you.
Inside: Do you think I’m dying?

Front: Do you know how much I love you?
Inside: Good. Then shut up.

Front: I love you.
Inside: But you fart in your sleep.